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(while chanting continues) Draftees of the world, arise! Henry: (talking to Hawkeye and Trapper about a missing lamb) Do I know, Do I know anything? Boy, I'd like to wake up one morning, look down, and find myself gone. Corporal Klinger was in his last grisly hour of guard duty little knowing the fate that destiny had planned up for him. Sergeant Fierman brought in three prisoners that he had captured after they had surrendered voluntarily. "Your contest sounds like the perfect appetizer to a wonderfully intimate main course. Ergo when he arrives I shall perform surgery on the first organ that presents itself.
(protesting continues, then scene cuts to Hawkeye sitting in Henry's office). Radar: The sun in its crimson radiance bids a crepuscular adieu to another day. I mean I work under terrible pressure and everything and there's a lot of death and destruction and stuff but outside of that I don't think I'm really getting much out of it. Newsome: (after walking out of OR and going into the tent): The blood won't come off. (reads third letter) "Dear Hawkeye, I find you an incredibly exciting and vibrant man." I just had a rush of blood to my ego. Signed, Sweet Preserves."Charles: The injustice of it all to banish me to this vermin preserve just to avoid paying the 600 dollars he lost to me in a cribbage game.
Hawkeye: (After hearing the main dish is liver and/or fish again) ... Furthermore, I consider no one in this camp above suspicion with the possible exception of that 80% of you who are incapable of reading the English language. Tell me this, Captain: how the hell am I supposed to keep up with it?!
The inalienable right to an early coronary sitting at your desk while plotting to stab your boss in the back. Charles: (addressing the mess tent) Ladies and gentlemen, we must all have compassion for the wretched harlequin with his compulsive need to amuse; so I say to you, do not condemn the pathetic clown but rather, pity him. I'm a doctor, a guy looks to me for answers and the only thing I can say is that you have this incurable disease and there is nothing I can do about it. Charles (over the PA): Attention all vermin - that's giving you the benefit of the doubt - I have just discovered the untimely disappearance of my May 5 issue of The Boston Globe which has obviously been pilfered by some member of the pernicious race of lowlife which infests this pigmire. Potter: Every month there's a new procedure we have to learn because somebody's come up with an even better way to mutilate the human body!
The Geneva convention prohibits the killing of our tastebuds! Farewell Cape Cod, farewell Harvard Yard, farewell baked scrod. We must not labor under the delusion that these were filed by another homo sapien; the last ones I found were under G, for "Getting Better."Hawkeye: I didn't want to tell him but he wouldn't let me off the hook. Hawkeye: (writing a letter to President Truman) If you end this fiasco right now, I pledge to purchase all your daughter's inimitable records. When you leave here, you will know this jeep like it was a kissin' cousin, and you will know the rules of the road so good that when you're dead, you will still qualify for a license.
I know you probably don't want it, but Cousin Alfred does. Rizzo: Now you gentlemens are new to the Army, or in other words, dumb.
Here's an oldie but a goodie: half of the family dying, other half pregnant. I'm a little shaky, but while I have any strength at all, I'd like to pitch in. My father and I have been 12,000 miles apart in the same room.
Thus, I retract my previous magnanimous offer and none of you cretins will lay one slimy paw on any of my papers until the missing issue is returned! Klinger (talking to a post): Colonel Potter, I'd like to help in triage, sir. Charles: Pierce, you should be grateful that only distance is separating you.
Colonel Potter: My pleasure, Now you take World War II. I am speculation, adventure, the spirit of pursuit, the stag howling for its winsome, yet anonymous mate. And second, it would be a nice gesture to your commanding officer, who could make your life so miserable if he wanted to. [he gags, then starts again] I was raised in a gracious and civilized atmosphere. I guess I forgot that when you took over for Radar.We care only about getting the kid out of here alive enough for someone else to put on the fine touches. And as for my ability as a doctor, if you seriously question that, I'm just gonna have to challenge you to a duel. Margaret: [following Hawkeye's "toast"] I too have a toast. BJ: We sit around here in our Hawaiian shirts and red suspenders, thumbing our nose at the Army, drinking home brewed gin and flouting authority at every turn, and feeling, oh, so superior to those military fools who kill each other and oh so self-righteous when we clean up after them. And I would have been here sooner but I had to stop to accept the cheers of the entire audience. R") You know I told you people something a long time ago, and it's just as pertinent today as it was then: Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice. Hawkeye: Look, I know how tough it is for you to say goodbye, so I'll say it.